Remembering my First Love

As time would have it, I am counting down the last few months that my firstborn remains a 4 year old. As my 4 year old would like me to know, he is already 5 and he can't wait. So much changes with that next birthdate! Some of his best friends have already hit this milestone, started school, get to do "big kid" things. I am holding onto every single day I have this 4 year old of mine. I have thought a lot lately about how much has changed since my boy came screaming into the world at an astounding 5lbs, 11oz. Tiny, cuddly, helpless, and incredibly beautiful. He was mine. He was ours. We were immediately in love and over the years he has opened up and grown into an incredibly smart, whitty, outgoing now still-4 year old who is perfectly happy growing up as quick as possible. Is it must me, or does it take a really rough season to realize sometimes, or more remember what these little people are? With a lot of stress in my days lately, and tiredness (thanks to a 3rd baby who LOVES nighttime sleeping), and to be honest, a touch of lonliness, the grumpy mommy side of me comes out quickly. I don't boast about that, I am just telling the truth. Sometimes I forget that this little one, growing by the second, is still the same tiny, helpless one who I birthed and held tightly. I can get so caught up in "doing" that I forget to sit and simply enjoy him. Hugging, kissing, sharing sweet thoughts about him, whispered into his ear and seeing the smile that erupts on his face in those moments. Oh, and tickling. He loves to be tickled. It has been a lesson for me over the years to take time to sit and enjoy my kids. While life has gotten busier with 3, they are still my sweet babies who I love and they should know that. And some days I feel as though he gets the shorter end of the deal when by mid-afternoon I need my mommy break and he is begging me to play with him. Some days I am amazed and caught off guard by his incredible wisdom, and thoughtfulness. And I realize this boy has gifts all his own, and I feel as though I can learn from him. We have spent the last few mornings talking about who we know that doesn't know Jesus, and why certain people do not go to church. And praying. And I see what a great gift he is to me, to encourage me to pray more, for him, with him and for others. In the business of my days, sometimes I feel like I am ill-equipped to give him what he requires of me, and to offer my best so he reaches his full potential. But he offers me such grace and love. I am so blessed to know him, and to call him my firsborn, how gracious and good God has been to us by offering us such a gift. My first love, first babe, and first son. I love him.